Kim Jong-un Seen Holding Boombox Outside White House

WASHINGTON – Kim Jong-un, Grand Marshall of the People’s Liberation Army, Supreme Leader of the Worker’s Party, and divine ruler of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, was seen Sunday holding a boom box outside the White House, residence of US President Donald Trump.

“All my instincts, they return…”

The reclusive dictator was seen blasting the 1986 hit In Your Eyes as a show of lost affection for President Trump, whom the North Korean Ministry of Propaganda says is his “Comrade in Arms” in the destruction of Western democracy.

“And the grand façade… so soon will burn!”

“Kim really seemed upset that Trump might go abroad on his big trip to Singapore without him,” said Choeag-ui Adeul, a senior North Korea Analyst at the Shin Hyung Institute of Troubled States. “This was his last best shot to win him back.”

Property of the Flat Earth Times

Observers were confused by Mr. Kim’s desperation, considering the meeting has already been rescheduled and will take place tomorrow in Singapore. The iconic scene doesn’t seem relative to the plot of the unfolding story.

“You don’t need him!” said Trump’s Policy Advisor Stephen Miller to Mr. Trump, while the music blared outside.  “You need to focus on your plans, you’ve got that big summit fellowship and you’re gonna kill it!”

The meeting will take place tomorrow, June 12th, in Singapore. Mr. Trump and Mr. Kim are expected to debate if Mr. Kim can actually commit to a long-term relationship without trying to blow up the planet.

“Trump and Kim are both really desperate for a deal here,” said Mr. Choeag-ui. “It’s like they’ll say anything.”

John Cusack contributed to this report. He can be reached at

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