Elizabeth Warren Drops out of Presidential Race to Pursue her Passion of Mike Bloomberg

BLOOMBERG RESIDENCE – Elizabeth Warren has dropped out of the presidential race, saying that she would be spending the remainder of the race following billionaire and fellow former candidate Michael […]

Biden Volunteers Threaten to Reduce Canvassing From 0.6x to 0.4x/month if Sanders is Nominee

MASON CITY, IOWA – Volunteers for Joe Biden, gathered at a campaign event in a supporter’s living room Sunday night, angrily chastised the left wing of their party and made […]

Public Shocked By Mueller’s High-Pitched Fairy-tale Voice

WASHINGTON: Robert Mueller’s high-pitched, sing-song voice was on full display today in the nation’s capital, a shocking revelation to cap his two years of silence atop the nation’s headlines. Mueller […]

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Baby-Boomer Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil for Joe Biden’s Reputation

SCRANTON – Democratic voters roughly ranging in age from 56 to 73 gathered outside Lackawanna Courthouse Thursday night for a vigil in honor of former Vice President Joe Biden’s personal […]

President Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn to Distract from Midterms

WASHINGTON – As questions deepen about the role President Trump has played in inciting increasing right-wing extremist violence, Mr. Trump on Tuesday morning took the unusual step of having a […]

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Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

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Local Man Can’t Decide Between 0.2% More Economic Growth, Basic Decency

HOUSTON – Elections are approaching, and Texans are making up their mind. Dave Fresno, an antique shop owner in Piney Point Village, considered his vote at the Avalon Diner. “I […]

Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of […]

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Democrats Buy Pelosi Platinum Gavel After Close Special Election Loss

SAN FRANCISCO – After a narrower-than-expected loss in a special election in Ohio, the Democratic Party has spent their entire second quarter fundraising haul on a platinum gavel for Minority […]

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GOP to change name to GOb to Attract Young Voters

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Republican Party of the United States has announced a name change aimed at winning over young voters, from the GOP to the GOb. The switch comes […]