Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.

“She was a pretty lady,” said Mr. Hatch, 84. ”She made sure my corn chowder was served piping hot.”

”Thank you hun,” read the note. “Enclosed please find $1.75 for your fine services. And you can change my knickers any time[sic]!”

When asked if he believed Dr. Ford’s testimony yesterday that Brett Kavanaugh attempted to rape her during a summer party in 1982, Senator Hatch responded, “I felt the program was a little too flashy, too many movers and shakers,” and grumbled about getting to the “earlybird special.”

Senator Hatch could not be reached for comment today, and his office left a statement that he was voting on nightly television programming in the Senate Judiciary committee.

Matlock contributed to this report. He can be reached

Like us!

Follow us on Twitter and Instagram!