Category: College

The molding of young minds.

Student Protester Fully Understands Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Posted on: May 8, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, World
Tags: BuzzFeed, Israel, Jessica Ringwatt, Jordanian Propaganda, Know-it-all, Palestine, Protests, SJW, Social Justice Tips

COLLEGE PARK: Surprise and intrigue on the University of Maryland campus yesterday as student protester and self-described “champion of social justice” Jessica Ringwatt was officially confirmed to know everything and […]

University of Iowa Basketball Player Arrested For Trying to Harvest the Chrysler Building

Posted on: April 10, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: ABC News, Atlantic Coast Conference, Baylor University, Big Ten, Chrysler Building, CIA, Corn, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, FBI, fynanseers, harvest, Hawkeyes, Hurricane Sandy Relief Shelter, Iowa, Islamo-facism, Madison Square Garden, MSG, National Invitation Tournament, New York City, NIT, NYC Criminal Court, shucking, University of Iowa, University of Maryland, Whitman Studley

The University of Iowa’s loss in the National Invitation Tournament has been blamed on the absence of stellar senior Whitman Studley, who missed the game while attempting to shuck the […]

China Disowns UMD President Wallace Loh for Taiwan Visit

Posted on: June 13, 2012 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives, World
Tags: Beijing, China, Kim Jong-un, Martin Monitz, Martin O'Malley, People's Republic of China, Republic of China, Taipei, Taiwan, The Diamondback, UMD, Wallace Loh, Yang Jiechi

BEIJING – University of Maryland President Wallace D. Loh has been internationally rebuked for his current trip to the Republic of China, better known as Taiwan. Dr. Loh left for Taiwan […]

University of Maryland to Launch Maryland-in-Damascus Program

Posted on: March 8, 2012 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives, World
Tags: Arab Spring, Assad, Bashar al-Assad, Damascus, Education Abroad, Free Syrian Army, Maryland-in-Damascus, Michael Ulrich, Syria, Wallace Loh

BEIRUT – The University of Maryland has expanded its Education Abroad department and begun a program in Damascus, the capital of the Middle Eastern nation of Syria. The first students […]

UMD President Wallace Loh Suggests Students Swim in their Private Pools

Posted on: March 1, 2012 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: $7.2 Million Mansion, Brioche, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, French, Let them eat Cake, Marie Antoinette, Olivier Rabourdin, Presidential Mansion, RL, Taken, UMD

Wallace Loh has responded after an angry mob of students descended upon his temporary residence today, demanding answers over the school’s proposal to build a $7.2 million dollar president’s mansion […]

Students Eat Feces, Talk of Firing Edsall at Campus Farm

Posted on: December 8, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Coach, Eat Shit, Feces, Fire Edsall, Football, Maryland Football, North Campus Diner, Porky the Pig, Randy Edsall, Terps, Terrapins, University of Maryland

It was a spectacle like no other. Last night, reporters at the University of Maryland Campus farm on Paint Branch Drive documented a feast encompassing over 1000 students, but they […]

Dead Hippo Found Under Floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s

Posted on: August 1, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Bentleys, College Park, Hippopotamus, Local Business, R.J. Bentley's, Scott Van Pelt, UMD for Clean Energy

Shock and awe reigned in downtown College Park this morning, when a dead hippopotamus was discovered wedged in the floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station.  Evidence indicated it had been […]

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence

Posted on: June 23, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: BCS, College Football, David Frohnmayer, ESPN, Kevin Anderson, Mark Emmert, NCAA, PC Police, Slave Labor, Student Athletes, Title IX

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence After years of questionable stands, exploding salaries, and inexplicably selfish behavior, the National Collegiate Athletic Association and some of its satellite organizations have finally come forward […]

University President Makes Surprise North Korea Visit During Trip to Asia

Posted on: June 17, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Beijing, Dr. Loh, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, Dr. Wallace Loh, Governor O'Malley, KCNA, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-un, Loh, Martin O'Malley, Maryland, North Korea, President Loh, President Wallace Loh, UMD, University of Maryland, Wallace D. Loh, Wallace Loh, Yonhap

University of Maryland President Wallace Loh returned last week from what he termed a “very productive” trip to the Asian continent. President Loh left for China alongside a Maryland delegation, […]