Category: “News”
The Times of the Flat Earth we live on.
Philadelphians Suddenly Not Terrible People Anymore
PHILADELPHIA – After decades of frightening reports, violent tailgates, and rambunctious viral videos, Philadelphia’s iconic and obnoxious sports fans suddenly and unexpectedly became kind, gracious, professional, intellectual ladies and gentlemen […]
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Local Woman Impressed with President Trump for not Defecating Pants During SOTU
RALEIGH – A local suburban mother of three was very impressed with President Trump’s State of the Union Address last night, highlighting his successful effort to hold his bowels as […]
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Democrats Fear Losing Dozens of Voters if they Embrace Legal Weed
WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders are shaking over a potential loss of support if more of their prominent voices come out in support of ending national marijuana prohibition. New Jersey’s newly […]
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New York Liberals Threaten to Vote Joe Manchin Out in West Virginia Primary
NEW YORK OR CHARLESTOWN: New York Democrats are targeting West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and pledging not to vote for him in their Democratic primary on June 26th, 2018. Mr. […]
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Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.
NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, […]
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White House Physician: President Trump Can Walk On Water
WASHINGTON – Official White House Physician Ronny L. Jackson assured reporters on Wednesday that President Trump is not only healthy, but he can walk on water as well. “The President […]
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President Trump Informed that Hawaii is Part of US
WASHINGTON – White House advisors spent several hours on Sunday explaining to President Trump that the archipelago of Hawaii is in fact part of the United States. A false ballistic […]
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Hillary Clinton Spotted Wearing Oprah Costume
NEW YORK: Former US Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted putting on an Oprah Winfrey bodysuit in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn yesterday morning. […]
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Report: Boston’s Frozen Floods Part of Deal with Satan for Tom Brady
BOSTON: A new report suggests that Winter Storm Grayson, which blanketed the East coast and flooded much of Boston in a surge of seawater, was likely the result of a […]
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Mitt Romney Furiously Scrubbing “Massachusetts” From Wikipedia Page
SALT LAKE CITY: Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts, spent most of Wednesday meticulously removing all mention of the Bay State from his Wikipedia page. “The good people of UTAH […]
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