Year: 2018

America to Boycott 2018 World Cup in Russia

Posted on: May 8, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Sports, World
Tags: 2016 US Presidential Election, 2018 World Cup, Boycott, Dave Sarachan, Hotel National Moscow, President Donald Trump, Russia, Team USA, Trinidad

MOSCOW – The greatest tournament in soccer is set to begin in just one months’ time, and the United States will not be attending. The Americans announced they will be […]

Sixth Constituent Thanks Congressional Rep for Bipartisanship Award

Posted on: May 3, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Betty Frank, Bipartisanship, Gothimer, Josh Gottheimer, Karen Phillipeli, Lugar Center, New Jersey

NEWARK – Representative Josh Gottheimer (D, NJ-5) has been thanked by a whopping six constituents for receiving the designation of “most bipartisan freshman Democrat.” The award comes from the Lugar […]

World Confused as Korean War Ends

Posted on: April 30, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", World
Tags: Kim Jong-un, Korean War, Moon Jae-in, North Korea, Shin Hyung Institute of Troubled States, South Korea

Confusion spread across the globe this past weekend as warming relations engulfed North and South Korea, bringing about an end to the Korean War. “What’s happening?!” shrieked Donna Dominica, a […]

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Democrats Buy Pelosi Diamond Gavel After Close Special Election Loss

Posted on: April 26, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: 2018 Midterms, Arizona, Conor Lamb, Diamond Gavel, San Francisco, Tom Perez

SAN FRANCISCO – After a narrower-than-expected loss in a special election in Arizona, the Democratic Party has spent their entire first quarter fundraising haul on a diamond gavel for Nancy […]

Trump Offers Barron, Eric to Kim Jong-un in Ongoing Negotiations

Posted on: April 23, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", World
Tags: Barron Trump, denuclearization, Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump, Kim Jong-un, Psy

WASHINGTON – President Trump has offered his son Barron to Kim Jong-un, dictator of North Korea, in the latest round of negotiations with the reclusive state over its nuclear arsenal. […]

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MUELLER MADNESS! Stormy Daniels Continues Cinderella Run

Posted on: April 19, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Sports
Tags: ESPN, James Comey, March Madness, Mueller Madness, President, Stormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels on Cinderella Run to End Trump Dynasty Stormy Daniels has continued her unprecedented march toward ending the presidency of Donald J. Trump, as the 14th seed rides toward […]

Guy Who Slaved His Entire Life Complains About Cool Guy Partying With Hookers, Hated by Entire Nation

Posted on: April 16, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: Nation, Opinion, Propaganda
Tags: Donald J Trump, Edward Murphy, FBI, James Comey, Russians

WASHINGTON – James Comey, former director of the FBI, was seen Sunday night living in his own nightmare. The long-time public servant worked hard his entire life. He always did […]

Paul Ryan Retiring to Spend More Time With His Chilling Shame

Posted on: April 13, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation

MILWUAKEE – Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced he would retire after his term ends in 2019, in a speech on Wednesday. The 48-year-old Republican now wishes to spend […]

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Scott Pruitt Builds Taxpayer-funded Personal Halo to Escape Runaway Climate Change

Posted on: April 10, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, Whether
Tags: EPA, Halo Array, Master Chevron, Scott Pruitt

OUTER SPACE – Administrator Scott Pruitt has ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to build him an entire Halo Array, with which he could escape the environmentally crumbling planet, an investigation […]

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As Trade War Ravages Wall Street, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn

Posted on: April 5, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: Amazon, China, Peter Navarro, President, Sean Hannity, Trade War, White House South Lawn

WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to avoid or win a trade war he began with China, this morning took the unusual step of having a bowel movement on the South […]